January 2012
2 posts
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Huge Group Of Girls | Break.com →
Huge group of girls!
December 2011
28 posts
10 tags
8 tags
When will it end!
My mother and my aunt are at it again.
Mom: Oh god the kids are here come on!
Me: What's going on?
Aunt: I was just telling your mother what happened to me.
Mom: Please don't repeat it.
Me: Tell me.
Aunt: I was telling her that I tried masturbating a few years back but haven't done it since.
My Little Brother: Why?
Aunt: I was horny why else?
Me: Dear Jesus!
Mom: Why haven't you since?
Aunt: Because when I got close to having an orgasm I thought I was going to have a stroke.
Me: I'm out of here...
Note: She is 66 years old. At least our talks are never boring.
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“Well if you ain’t cheatin’ then let me smell yo’ dick!”
– I know right?
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Happy... Uh.
Me: Have a wonder ful Holiday!
Her: Mm..wait can I say Merry Christmas or are you like...
Me: Jewish? Yes, I celebrate hanukkah.
Her: Really?
Me: No, Merry Christmas!
Note: Being politically correct isn't instinctive for everyone.
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Mm hmm
Co-Worker: Hey Cory! *waves to me*
Me: Wow look at that ring!
Co-Worker: I'm taking this off before I get to the parking lot. I'm not getting knocked over the head tonight.
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I cannot turn on the news without seeing the UH...
Tomorrow is the game!
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Didn't Think Anyone Was Home.
I went home today after work and when I walked in the house (thinking no one was home) I said to the dog “ugh it smells like fish, someone’s on their rag *laughed*.” Then I walked into the dining room and who was sitting there? My mom with a coworker and her husband. What are they eating? Fish. If looks could kill I would have been chopped into pieces and set on fire.
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Wendy I am going to kick your ass!
So kids I managed to forget to tell you why I have sworn off Wendy’s forever. At the wendy’s by campus there is this one fella in the drive-thru window. I swear everytime I go he is there and friendlier than everyone else there.
Here is our conversation:
Wendy’s Employee: Hey Red!
Me: You’re always working, you work too much.
W/E:Well I’ll take some time off...
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Gays Have The Best Eye
A few months ago my boss, a woman who seems to never have nothing to do, got desperate and asked me to decorate the display board in the lobby. It was such a hit that every week or so since I have been “asked” to redecorate it.
This holiday season I am in charge of decorating, a gay’s dream. Although my resources are limited and there is basically no budget I am going to make...
Watchjimnasium:
The Santa Ana winds have officially made their way to Los Angeles. I love the wind! It reminds me of the power outages we’d have on the Island growing up. We’d spend days with no power. Everything’s so much prettier in candle light— and easier to hide.
When I was younger I used to love it when the power went out. I saw it as an adventure, a movie almost. I would dig through every...
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Out my face. Move around, bitch!
It’s not my fault you look like your plastic surgeon is a blender.
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JIMNASIUM: Foreign Affairs →
jimnasium:
As we stood in line, surrounded by well dressed 20-something Europeans with white teeth and faux hawks, I started to get annoyed. I don’t like standing in line for a club. It’s not that I demand to be in the front it’s just that a line normally guarantees that it’s packed inside and at some…
And I’m pretty sure I just died…
November 2011
69 posts
5 tags
WatchIt just keeps getting better and better!
If you can read this you have a strong mind: 7H15...
Ize smahrt mama!
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Thanksgiving Family
Mom: You're one chromosome away from a potatoe. Stop talking
Aunt: I'm sorry that I have something important to say.
Mom: you talk because you have a hole in your Head.
Aunt: at least this hole can please a man.
Me: Oh god...
Mom: my brother doesn't seem to think so.
Me: Why am I still sitting here?
Aunt: Plenty of men thought so.
Me: Help.
Mom: That's the word on the street.... Where you've been working since retirement.
Me: I'm leaving.
Note: I don't want to know what happened after I think it got a little dirtier.
Style for the stylish →
“If being gay is a choice, show us the proof. Choose it. Choose to be gay...”
– Dan Savage (responding to Herman Cain’s statement that being gay is a choice)
THIS. ^ this. (via jvliberatore)
Listen
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WatchWORK!!!!
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“♫Me, the kids, and the dog is gone. Check my credentials.♫”
– Beyonce
To become a man, the Greeks believed young men needed to recover arete (Greeks believed semen transferred arete: manly virtues like courage, strength, fairness and honesty) from the semen of older men.