| My mother and my aunt are at it again. |
| Mom: Oh god the kids are here come on! |
| Me: What's going on? |
| Aunt: I was just telling your mother what happened to me. |
| Mom: Please don't repeat it. |
| Me: Tell me. |
| Aunt: I was telling her that I tried masturbating a few years back but haven't done it since. |
| My Little Brother: Why? |
| Aunt: I was horny why else? |
| Me: Dear Jesus! |
| Mom: Why haven't you since? |
| Aunt: Because when I got close to having an orgasm I thought I was going to have a stroke. |
| Me: I'm out of here... |
| Note: She is 66 years old. At least our talks are never boring. |
I went home today after work and when I walked in the house (thinking no one was home) I said to the dog “ugh it smells like fish, someone’s on their rag *laughed*.” Then I walked into the dining room and who was sitting there? My mom with a coworker and her husband. What are they eating? Fish. If looks could kill I would have been chopped into pieces and set on fire.
| Mom: You're one chromosome away from a potatoe. Stop talking |
| Aunt: I'm sorry that I have something important to say. |
| Mom: you talk because you have a hole in your Head. |
| Aunt: at least this hole can please a man. |
| Me: Oh god... |
| Mom: my brother doesn't seem to think so. |
| Me: Why am I still sitting here? |
| Aunt: Plenty of men thought so. |
| Me: Help. |
| Mom: That's the word on the street.... Where you've been working since retirement. |
| Me: I'm leaving. |
| Note: I don't want to know what happened after I think it got a little dirtier. |
Figuring It Out
