| My mother and my aunt are at it again. |
| Mom: Oh god the kids are here come on! |
| Me: What's going on? |
| Aunt: I was just telling your mother what happened to me. |
| Mom: Please don't repeat it. |
| Me: Tell me. |
| Aunt: I was telling her that I tried masturbating a few years back but haven't done it since. |
| My Little Brother: Why? |
| Aunt: I was horny why else? |
| Me: Dear Jesus! |
| Mom: Why haven't you since? |
| Aunt: Because when I got close to having an orgasm I thought I was going to have a stroke. |
| Me: I'm out of here... |
| Note: She is 66 years old. At least our talks are never boring. |
A few months ago my boss, a woman who seems to never have nothing to do, got desperate and asked me to decorate the display board in the lobby. It was such a hit that every week or so since I have been “asked” to redecorate it.
This holiday season I am in charge of decorating, a gay’s dream. Although my resources are limited and there is basically no budget I am going to make this the best Christmas these little bastards will ever have! Now that I think about it I am usually in charge of the holiday decorations at home. Clara (my mother) just gives me the color scheme, a budget, and her credit card and I work my rainbow magic. God I love this season! Now to pull out that tacky Christmas sweater… wait I don’t have one.
Figuring It Out
